Watch for changes in behaviour and engagement rather than assuming a single gesture reveals what someone is thinking

You don’t have to work in sales to sell something. A job candidate is selling their abilities, an entrepreneur is selling an idea and a leader may need to persuade employees to accept change. In each case, knowing whether your message is connecting is what matters most.

Body language can help, but the mistake is believing it can tell you exactly what another person is thinking.

Someone crossing their arms does not necessarily mean they are defensive. Looking away does not prove someone is bored, and avoiding eye contact does not necessarily signal discomfort or dishonesty. The better approach is to stop trying to decode individual gestures and start watching for changes in engagement.

Suppose you are presenting two options to a potential client. The client spends more time looking at one, asks several questions about it and wants to know how quickly it could be implemented. Those are useful signals, but you still don’t know exactly what the client is thinking.

The smartest response is not to assume but to ask: “What do you like about that option?”

Some people naturally maintain a lot of eye contact, while others don’t. Some talk with their hands; others barely move. Some sit with their arms crossed because that is simply more comfortable. A single gesture doesn’t tell you much on its own.

Pay more attention when someone’s behaviour changes after something you say or do. If someone becomes more engaged when you describe one feature of a product, it may be worth exploring further.

Imagine a prospective customer has been leaning forward, asking questions and taking notes. You mention the price. The customer leans back, stops taking notes, closes the proposal and becomes less talkative.

Something has changed, but the mistake would be concluding that the price is too high. Perhaps it is, but you don’t know. Instead, ask: “How does the pricing look to you?”

Body language, in other words, should generate questions, not conclusions.

“What do you think?” “Is anything concerning you?” or “Would it help if I explained that differently?” can turn an uncertain signal into useful information. The point isn’t to confront someone about their body language but to give them an opportunity to tell you what they’re thinking.

Don’t jump to conclusions when engagement appears to decline, either. A client who suddenly becomes quieter or less attentive may be confused, concerned or simply thinking about what you said. Context matters, too.

Someone glancing toward the door may want to leave, but they may also be expecting a colleague, checking the time or reacting to a noise in the hallway. Crossed arms might indicate discomfort, or the room might be cold. A bouncing leg could indicate nervousness or impatience, or it could be a lifelong habit.

This is why the popular idea that certain gestures have fixed meanings is so unreliable.

Eye contact, pupil size and smiles deserve the same caution. People use eye contact differently depending on their habits, culture and communication style. Pupil size can change with attention and mental effort, but it also changes with something as basic as the amount of light entering the eye. That makes it a poor way to determine whether someone likes your proposal.

Smiles can be just as difficult to interpret. A smile may indicate pleasure or agreement, but people also smile because they are being polite, nervous or trying to put someone else at ease.

That means listening closely to the questions people ask.

A prospective customer who moves from “What does this do?” to “How quickly could we implement it?” has given you an important signal. So has the person who asks what implementation would cost, how another customer uses the product or what happens after the first year.

Questions like these may mean the person is starting to think seriously about your proposal. That is usually more valuable information than trying to interpret the direction of someone’s feet.

The same principle applies to job interviews. An interviewer who starts asking when you could begin, whether you are considering other opportunities or how you would approach a particular problem may be signalling increased interest. It doesn’t mean you have the job, but it does mean the conversation has changed.

Body language becomes harder to read when the conversation moves online.

Video calls distort one of the cues people rely on most: eye contact. Looking at another person’s face on your screen and looking into your camera are not the same thing, so someone can appear to be looking away even while paying close attention. Delays can also interrupt the natural rhythm of conversation, while notifications can make an otherwise attentive person appear distracted.

In virtual meetings, pay more attention to participation. Are people asking questions, taking notes or requesting examples? Are they referring back to something you said earlier? Are they bringing other decision-makers into the discussion or talking about next steps?

Those behaviours often tell you far more than whether someone appears to be looking directly into the camera.

Remember that the other person is reading you, too. Facing someone, giving them your attention and avoiding obvious distractions can make it easier to have a productive conversation. The goal isn’t to manufacture the “right” body language. It’s to make sure your behaviour isn’t getting in the way of what you’re trying to say.

Be especially careful about using body language to decide whether someone is telling the truth. Body language isn’t a lie detector. Avoiding eye contact does not prove dishonesty. Nervousness does not mean someone has something to hide, and a defensive-looking posture does not tell you why someone adopted it.

People are complicated. Personality, culture and circumstances can all affect how someone behaves. The most successful communicators understand this and resist assigning a fixed meaning to every movement.

| Work and Careers Desk