Tears at work are inevitable, so learn how to deal with them

A leader’s guide to crying in the office: Stop treating workplace emotion like a sign of professional weakness

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I don’t know if I have a knack for making people cry, but I’ve seen plenty of tears. I’ve had clients, members of a company where I was working and members of the basketball team I coach bawling their eyes out.

I’ve seen it all. Staff crying because they were happy, sad, angry, or being held accountable; shoplifters crying because they were caught; employees crying at the loss of a staff member. All of that came on top of the expected tears of kids and family.

As leaders, we’re bound to experience crying regularly. Nobody teaches you in business school how to handle it. So how do we deal with tears?

Crying 101 should be a mandatory course for business leaders, especially men like me. When I was in my early 20s, dealing with tears was difficult and awkward. As a young man, how was I to know why an older employee was crying or what to do about it?

My solution was to ask if they were okay, hand them a roll of toilet paper and head out the door to deal with some “emergency.” Why would anyone bring tears to work? I would always wonder.

That approach doesn’t work anymore. In fact, it probably never did. Walking away might make you feel less awkward, but it leaves the other person dealing with it alone. These days, you’re expected to stay present.

My wife, who has a degree in counselling, has since set me straight: tears are normal. She has encouraged me to show my emotions more and not bottle them up inside. It’s a hard concept to grasp for men like me, who were brought up in a society where men’s tears have been seen as a sign of weakness.

I get it. Yet dealing with tears in the workplace can still be unnerving. It feels awkward when a co-worker, client or employee starts crying. So what should we do?

I’m no expert, but over the years in business and coaching, I’ve learned a few things.

First, crying is often not about you. It might not even be related to the situation in front of you. Employees who are brought to tears in your presence might not be reacting to anything you’ve done or said. The client who was crying in front of me last week was dealing with financial stress and the pressure she was putting on herself.

Second, offer comfort and don’t expect the tears to stop immediately. Showing compassion and understanding can go a long way. Sometimes it’s as simple as passing a box of tissues, acknowledging what’s happening and asking if they want a few minutes or to step away. Sitting quietly or giving them time to take a short walk might be all you can do.

Third, don’t try to solve their problems. We don’t know what’s going on in other people’s lives any more than they understand what’s going on in ours. If a team member is crying and doesn’t want to talk about it, you don’t need to push. Let them know you’re available. That might be enough.

Fourth, recognize when it’s not just a one-off. If someone is repeatedly breaking down, that’s something bigger. We’re not there to diagnose or play counsellor, but we do have a responsibility to point people toward support, whether that’s HR, time off, or professional help. At the same time, if emotions start to affect performance or the team, it has to be addressed directly. Compassion and accountability go together.

Finally, know where the line is. Being supportive doesn’t mean becoming someone’s therapist. You can listen and be present, but you still have a business to run.

Tears don’t always show up the way they used to. You won’t see someone crying across the desk. You’ll see them shut down on a video call, go quiet or start to disengage. The signs are different, but that’s when you need to step in.

Tears are part of working with people, especially in leadership roles. In many ways, the fact that people are willing to show emotion tells you something about the environment you’ve created. If people feel they have to hide everything, that’s a different problem.

If you’re a leader who is a jerk, you might have more employees crying, but you probably won’t even notice.

Being compassionate and empathetic will make a difference for your employees and those around you. It might even help you feel better about yourself.

Understanding how you feel about tears and having a plan to deal with them when they come will make it less awkward as you develop your leadership style and grow your organization.

David Fuller is a Commercial and Business Realtor with a strong reputation as an award-winning business coach and author of Profit Yourself Healthy: For Small Business Owners Who Want to Earn More and Worry Less.